


you won't find faith or hope down a telescope

by notthebigspoon



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 03:17:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3193259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Madison has certain needs. He isn't ashamed of them. But he has the sense to keep them quiet because most people simply wouldn't understand.</p>
<p>Title taken from The Science & The Faith by The Script.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you won't find faith or hope down a telescope

**Author's Note:**

> Contains references to an unconventional lifestyle and relationship parameters. Said lifestyle is NOT followed as a paraphilia.

Madison has certain needs. He isn't ashamed of them. But he has the sense to keep them quiet because most people simply wouldn't understand. No teammate has ever known and only one boyfriend has, the same one who recognized Madison's behaviors for what they were and showed him that he wasn't the only one. Jet had been a great daddy but they simply weren't mean to be together.

As of yet, Madison hasn't shared this part of himself with anyone. His teammates don't need to know. His boyfriends simply weren't daddy material. But Madison doesn't mind. He's got plenty of time and it's better to wait for the right person. He doesn't have to settle. Until he finds the right man, he can give himself things to assuage his needs. He's patient.

Little things take away the ache and fear that live inside him, dampen the nightmares that never quite go away. His apartment is filled with soft, fuzzy blankets and those squishy microbead pillows. He drinks out of sippy cups and practically lives off of fingerfoods. He watches cartoons and PG movies and has a self appointed bedtime. It's not all day every day but it suits him well enough for now, keeps him happy.

A freak storm in Cincinatti leaves them stranded in the hotel. Flood waters are rising rapidly and Madison risks a dash to a nearby supermarket, all but throwing things into the cart. His cab returns as the streets are becoming completely unnavigatable. He offers to put the cabbie up at the hotel so the man doesn't get hurt in all of this. The offer is accepted and in return, said cabbie helps him carry the armfuls and armfuls of groceries into the hotel. By the time they get it all inside and piled on luggage carts, the water is lapping at the top steps. Madison rushes into the elevator so he can make it before the elevators shut down.

He barely makes it, the elevator shutting down just as the doors start to open on the top floor, the team floor. He can hear them talking, gets them to help him push the doors open the rest of the way. The sight of three carts loaded down with food has the guys crowing and hugging him. The praise warms his wet and aching body. Bathtubs are heaped with ice, beer and soda and water and food wedged down into them. Madison showers first before cleaning his tub and filling it with his own supplies.

The real storm begins half an hour after his return. Before it was just rain and the occasional rumble of thunder. It becomes a full on nightmare, lightning filling the dark sky, rain pounding the city, wind surging around the building. The thunder is deafening and Madison feels a lump of fright filling his throat. It's enough to send him to the emergency compartment of his suitcase, a hidden spot never even used because it's too dangerous for him to turn to his comforts on the road. This is different though. He can't get through this as Madison. He needs to be Maddy.

His squishy pillow and favorite fuzzy blanket are already on the bed. He tugs on pajama pants and a thin, soft t-shirt. From his emergency compartment come a sippy cup, a pacifier and a stuffed frog. He fills the sippy cup with yoohoo and rum. The pacifier is clipped to his shirt. He dives into his blanket nest and burrows down, clinging to his frog. He's a big boy. A storm is nothing to be afraid of.

The mantra fails him quickly but he manages to hold in the tears, even when he hears a voice in the hallway saying the water has reached the second floor. They're on the 31st floor, nothing to fear, but it scares Madison to death. The storm intensifies and Maddy begins to sob, so ashamed and out of control. He drains three sippy cups of booze, is getting dazed when he resorts to his pacifier. He can't help the crying, can't stop it. He's just so scared. Always during storm, the bad man would come in his room and hurt him.

It takes a minute for him to realize someone is knocking on the door. He hesitates before shoving his pacifier and the sippy cup between the mattress and the box spring. The frog he keeps clutched in his head as he stumbles to the door, wiping his face roughly. When he feels as presentable as he's going to get, he opens the door. Posey and Belt are on the other side. To his relief, there's no sign of amusement. Only concern.

“Are you okay?” Belt asks, voice soft and so gentle. “We were in my room, we could hear you crying.”

Madison flushes, stepping back to let them in. When he shuts the door behind him, he holds his frog to his chest. “I- I don't like storms. I was drinking. Tried hiding in bed. But I'm still scared.”

“There's nothing wrong with being scared. It's a crazy storm.” Posey says. “Maybe you should lay down? We'll stay with you, if you want.”

“I wish you would.”

Belt smiles. The adjoining doors between their rooms are opened and left open. Buster sits on the bed, back against the headboard, reading with the aid of a booklight. Belt sits in an armchair with his feet up on the bed and plays with a tablet. Maddy feels comfortable, feels safe, and when a particularly loud crack of thunder makes him whimper, Buster sifts his fingers through Maddy's long hair, shushing him and promising that everything will be okay. Maddy drifts off to sleep.

When he wakes again, it's far quieter, though it's still storming. The sky is a sickly looking dark gray. Everything feels wrong. He bites his lip before going to brush his teeth. He stops are the window on his way back to bed. He doesn't like how the world before and below him looks. When a hand rests on his shoulder, Maddy leans into it, scrubbing his hands over his eyes.

“I hate this, Brandon. It scares me.”

“Scares me and Buster too.” Brandon murmurs. “Water is up to the fifth floor. Still storming. It's not letting up any time soon, either. They're calling it the storm of the century.”

Madison winces. “All those poor people. If we're stuck here very long... the hotel can't feed this many people for more than a few days.”

“We're taken care of thanks to you.” Brandon says. There's pride in his voice. “We figured it up while you were asleep. With everything you got, we're good for a week at least. And if the storm strands us for longer than that, I'm sure we'll figure something out. We all owe you big time, Madison.”

“Maddy.” He says it abruptly, swallowing hard. “I wish you would call me Maddy. It makes me feel better when I'm... when I'm like this.”

Brandon smiles and brushes his fingers over Maddy's neck. “Alright, Maddy. It'll be okay, okay? Buster and I will take care of you. I promise we will. You're safe with me.”

Maddy believes him and everything that day proves him right in trusting them. They stay in his room, going back into their own only for supplies. Buster has a pile of books and he starts to read one out loud to Maddy. Brandon sees to it that all of their electronics are charged and fills backup power sources. Madison's phone takes priority. He doesn't have anyone to call, but not knowing he can would kill him.

Teammates drift in and out, visiting and sharing information. To Maddy's relief, they find nothing odd about Buster and Brandon being in his room instead of their own rooms. It seems a lot of them are doing that. They're all more frightened than they'll let on. The storm is bad and growing worse. What if something happens? What if they never make it home? It's a thought that Madison suddenly realizes a lot of them have. More than once they fervently thank him for having the foresight to stockpile some food.

When it gets late, the storm starts roaring again. They eat dinner with Vogey, Crawford and Lopez, listening to the radio in silence. The news is awful. Maddy reaches out and turns it off, whispering that he can't take it anymore, the death and destruction, the knowledge that things will only get worse. The others nod in agreement and Lopez pats him on the back before helping to clean up the dinner mess. When he leaves, he's clutching Vogey and Crawford's hands tight.

Bedtime rolls around. Madison washes up and brushes his teeth, dresses in fresh pajamas. He kneels by the bed and says his prayer before crawling under the blankets, watching Brandon and Buster moving around in the other room. It's almost like a dance, the way that they move. Maddy wonders how long they've been together but knows it's not his place to ask. Maybe not yet, anyway.

“You'll sleep with me, won't you?” Maddy asks, whimpering a little. “The storm, s'so loud. And the bed is plenty big enough for all three of us.”

Their only response is matching smiles and nods. Once in their own pjs, they come back into Maddy's room. Buster gets in on one side, Brandon the other, gently nudging Maddy into the middle. He burrows down into his blankets, sighing happily when Brandon and Buster both snuggle up close. The arm Brandon puts around his waist feels like heaven. When Buster kisses his forehead, Maddy beams. Frightened as he might be, Maddy has never been happier than he is at this moment.

Buster speaks, low, “Tell us what you're thinking Maddy.”

“That I'm scared but happy.” Maddy answers honestly. I feel happy with you. Safe. It's been a long time since I felt this way. I'm not always happy. I guess there's certain things about me that people don't get and wouldn't understand.”

“We want to understand.” Brandon says, kissing his hair. “But you have to help us.”

Madison bites his lip hard. He places his hand over Brandon's, squeezes it to give himself strength. “I have needs. Things I want that most people don't or can't understand. They think it's weird. Me, I don't think it is. It's just what makes me feel happy. Safe. I need it. But I didn't really know what it was until a few years ago. I was seeing this guy and he mentioned something he had read about. He thought it would make me feel better.”

“Go on... it's okay, Maddy, everything is okay. Keep going.”

Madison nods, taking a breath. “I never really got to be a kid. There were a couple reasons. But we both realized that getting to be one now made all the fear and shame and hurt go away. He called me his baby boy. Treated me like a baby boy. I called him daddy. And I was the happiest that I'd ever been.”

He stops there, takes a few deep breaths to center himself before continuing.

“We didn't work out in the long run. Just weren't meant to be together. We're still friends. Jet's a great guy. He's not my daddy anymore, I haven't had one since him. But'm still a baby boy... I do stuff on my own and it works for me, makes me happy. I know it's not there and I know why people don't understand. It's a part of me now. I can't change it. Don't want to.”

Brandon and Buster are silent for a long time. It's not an uncomfortable silence. They're thinking and Madison knows that it's a lot to think about. No matter what they say or do, though, he knows that he's going to be okay. He's long been at peace with who he is and what he needs. If anyone close to him thinks that there's something wrong with him for that, then he doesn't need them in his life. He really hopes that Buster and Brandon don't think there's anything wrong with him. He wants them in his life, wants them desperately.

When Buster softly suggests that they sleep on it and talk over it more in the morning. Maddy releases a breath he didn't know that he was holding. He goes to sleep quickly and easily, dreams of blue skies and wide open fields.

Deafening thunder is what he awakens to. The clock says that it's ten in the morning but it's dark as night outside and the storm is more violent than ever. He wants to cower in his blankets but he forces himself to get up, wash his face and brush his teeth. He can hear voices in Brandon and Buster's room. The adjoining door is closed, almost. He opens it.

Their room is crowded with people. All of the coaches, several players, mostly the older ones. Madison lingers by the door, nodding when Romo and Cain acknowledge him before continuing the discussion they're apparently spearheading. The water levels and the death toll are rising. Scientists just don't know when the storm will let up. A state of emergency has been declared.

“The water's going to keep rising. Not that it will reach us.” Cain says, looking at all of them. “Thanks to Bum, we've got enough food to keep us. I was going over the receipt he gave Bochy and we can easily last a week on that. Longer, if we ration it properly. Me and Sergio and Bochy went over it. Everything was divvied up pretty fairly last night. We've got to be careful, though. Hopefully we won't be here that long but we've got to face that we have no idea how long this will go on.”

“Sounds fair enough.” Vogey shrugs. “If everyone uses things carefully, we'll be alright. I think we should allot more water to Pagan though, he'll need it for the baby. Sound good?”

There's a murmur of assent and the meeting is brought to a close, everyone filing away. Madison grabs his water and hands it to Pagan, smiling and telling him to give baby Hadley a kiss from Uncle Madison. Buster and Brandon follow suit. When the door finally closes, Madison lets out a breath of relief and falls back on the bed. The talk of the disaster has made him nervous and he wishes desperately that he could get his pacifier out. It's not an option for now. He sits up again, burying his face in his hands.

“This... guys, this is terrifying. I've never seen anything like this. I don't think the United States has ever seen anything like this. What if it just keeps going?”

“Until the world actually stops spinning, we're going to behave as if it intends to continue on.” Buster says, though the smile isn't genuine. “We'll be okay, Maddy. We've got supplies and we're on the top floor. The water is up to the seventh. It'll take a lot for it to reach us. It's a waiting game. We've got extra laptop batteries. We've got backup battery banks for the tablets and the phones. We can communicate. We're okay. baby boy. We're okay.”

The baby boy makes tears well up in Maddy's eyes. He knew he could trust them but he didn't know that they would give him this. When they come close, he clings to them, hugs them tight and whispers that he'll be a good boy, he'll make them proud. They both smile and kiss him, stroke his cheek and promise that Buster will be a good daddy and Brandon will care for him as well. They tell him to share everything, that they'll give him everything that he wants. He shows them his two most important possessions.

Brandon takes the sippy cup, washing it out and pouring gatorade into it. Buster clips the pacifier to Maddy's shirt and gently puts it in his mouth, tucking him into the bed and telling him to rest, getting all worked up has made him tired. Maddy's eyes well up again but he keeps himself from crying this time. Instead he takes a drink of his gatorade and then replaces the pacifier, sucking on it happily as he nuzzles his head down into his pillow. They rest on the bed on either side of him, Buster reading a book and Brandon doing a crossword. Maddy rests his head on Buster's thigh.

“Thank you...”


End file.
